1 00:00:48,780 --> 00:00:54,140 We just go up and down the coast, taking shots of all the fancy houses and blow 2 00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:58,720 them up and flog them to the owners. No one can resist an aerial shot at their 3 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:00,800 own house. What do you need me for? 4 00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:02,260 You're my assistant. 5 00:01:02,820 --> 00:01:05,180 I don't want to go up in a helicopter. 6 00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:08,920 I do not wish to be in this unnatural machine. 7 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:24,760 Can we go down now? 8 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,860 No, certainly not. 9 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:31,080 I might have died ten minutes ago. 10 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,620 Just a few more pictures. 11 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,980 Is this fun? 12 00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:39,860 No, it isn't. 13 00:01:40,380 --> 00:01:42,840 Up here is far too close to God. 14 00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:47,400 You might think you can save an affair by just taking us on from here. 15 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:09,720 to see you. 16 00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:11,320 I'll never leave you again. 17 00:02:12,620 --> 00:02:14,240 Oh, my knees. 18 00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:17,020 God. 19 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:18,960 What's this? 20 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,720 The gang's all here. 21 00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:26,760 Dan, how are you? 22 00:02:27,540 --> 00:02:28,540 Fine, Harry. 23 00:02:28,580 --> 00:02:29,580 How are you? 24 00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:31,660 We were just so worried. 25 00:02:31,940 --> 00:02:32,940 Can't think why. 26 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:36,020 You've been up in a thingamy. 27 00:02:36,420 --> 00:02:38,300 Marion, it's called a 28 00:02:39,839 --> 00:02:43,940 I know that's a long word for your gnat's brain, but do try and take it in. 29 00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:45,420 no, you might be able to use it in conversation. 30 00:02:47,140 --> 00:02:48,640 Dad, what did you think you were doing? 31 00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:52,880 Diana wanted to take some pictures of rich folks' houses to sell for wicked 32 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,600 profits, so I took her up in the old chopper. 33 00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:57,080 You mean you were flying it? 34 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,980 Well, they don't fly on their own, you know. 35 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:00,560 Dad, you can't fly. 36 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,000 Of course I can. 37 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,240 In fact, you hate flying. 38 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:04,980 Nonsense. Great fun. 39 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,480 The old coat pilot was a bit... queasy, but once I'd done a few rolls of lube 40 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,200 and banged it up to mark two over the Atlantic. 41 00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:14,960 Well, she knew she was in safe hands. 42 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,680 Is this true, Diana? 43 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,980 Of course it's true, Jane. 44 00:03:19,180 --> 00:03:20,840 Would Tom ever tell a lie? 45 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:32,320 Certainly dark in here. 46 00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:35,340 That is why it is called a dark room, Tom. 47 00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:40,700 I do love The unerring logic of our English language. 48 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,220 What were your revolting family doing here anyway? 49 00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:49,480 Oh, Geoffrey wanted me to sign a petition. Oh, my God, not another 50 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,760 hate petitions. It's all right. It has nothing to do with you. 51 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,100 Let them fight their own battles. 52 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,360 We didn't ask them to fight our battles. 53 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,900 They weren't alive for half of them. That's no excuse. 54 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:03,430 Believe me, when you're retired... It ain't your problem, because by the time 55 00:04:03,430 --> 00:04:06,730 it's solved, you'll probably be just a handful of dust blowing in the winter 56 00:04:06,730 --> 00:04:10,010 wind. The council want to rezone their area. 57 00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:13,170 Good, maybe they'll make it into a war zone and Marion will get machine gun to 58 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,170 bits. 59 00:04:14,730 --> 00:04:16,970 They want to make it into a light industrial zone. 60 00:04:17,870 --> 00:04:19,890 Serves them right for being so ghastly. 61 00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:24,150 Now then, if you find the numbers on the bottom of the photos, match them to the 62 00:04:24,150 --> 00:04:27,150 addresses, then we'll look them up in the electoral roll. 63 00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:28,390 Right. 64 00:04:29,110 --> 00:04:33,480 Apparently, someone wants to start... A human spare parts factory right beside 65 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,480 Jeffrey and Marion. 66 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:36,260 Liven up their window shopping. 67 00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:42,700 Could be quite handy, I suppose, for when we start falling to bits. 68 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:43,899 Do you mind? 69 00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:46,360 Jane could arrange bargain -hunting trips. 70 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,040 I could do with a pair of new knees. 71 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,320 What about you? 72 00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:52,140 New hips? 73 00:04:53,180 --> 00:04:54,180 New eyeballs? 74 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:55,480 New wig? 75 00:04:56,500 --> 00:05:00,040 If we also bind our orders, we might get a reduced rate. In fact, 76 00:05:00,810 --> 00:05:03,870 I could become a door -to -door bear park salesman. 77 00:05:04,830 --> 00:05:06,210 Good morning, madam. 78 00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:10,030 Could I interest you in a brand -new lower intestine? 79 00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:15,410 I intend to go to my box in one piece, thank you very much. 80 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:18,010 Now, let me see. Good grief. 81 00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:22,530 Oh! Oh! Will you take a look at this? 82 00:05:24,350 --> 00:05:26,210 Oh, it's Watson's blade. 83 00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:29,890 In Dallas, Southport, J .R. Stead. 84 00:05:32,650 --> 00:05:34,490 Fork, it is the last place we took yesterday. 85 00:05:35,130 --> 00:05:37,390 Gosh, we did fly a long way. 86 00:05:38,070 --> 00:05:39,790 In that corner, you fool. 87 00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:41,289 Oh, yes. 88 00:05:41,290 --> 00:05:44,610 Two people dressed in pink having a fight. 89 00:05:50,430 --> 00:05:51,830 Oh, goodness. 90 00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:58,910 Two people still in the pink, but definitely not fighting. 91 00:06:00,570 --> 00:06:03,640 Nodding and gendering like... Like toads in a cistern. 92 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:05,560 Sounds disgusting. 93 00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:06,659 Who said that? 94 00:06:06,660 --> 00:06:09,180 Shakespeare. Deathly old man. Who, Shakespeare? 95 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:10,600 No, not Shakespeare. 96 00:06:10,860 --> 00:06:11,860 This fellow. 97 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:16,080 It's not J .R. And that's certainly not Sue Ellen. 98 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:17,300 Of course it's not Sue Ellen. 99 00:06:17,380 --> 00:06:18,380 Sue Ellen is dark. 100 00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:23,520 And this, if I'm not very much mistaken, is a six -bottle peroxide blonde 101 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:24,520 trollop. 102 00:06:26,890 --> 00:06:27,890 We'll airbrush them out. 103 00:06:28,090 --> 00:06:30,570 Nobody's going to want to buy a photo of their place with the gardener and the 104 00:06:30,570 --> 00:06:32,630 au pair at it, hammer and tongs, all over the place. 105 00:06:33,910 --> 00:06:34,910 Very long. 106 00:06:37,550 --> 00:06:39,750 Guess what? I can only wish you luck with the zoning, Geoffrey. 107 00:06:40,210 --> 00:06:42,170 Oh, there's a Range Rover out there. 108 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:43,770 It's juggling balloons. 109 00:06:44,190 --> 00:06:46,910 Geoffrey, Geoffrey, I'm sorry. I'm going to have to say goodbye. Yes, I'm sorry, 110 00:06:47,010 --> 00:06:48,590 Geoffrey. Goodbye, Geoffrey. Bye -bye. 111 00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:53,480 Oh, that'll be Fergie Ferguson, the local political power broker. Now, look, 112 00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,060 Jane, I need to impress this man. 113 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,460 I've got some ambitions that way myself. I need to show him that I'm also a 114 00:06:58,460 --> 00:06:59,460 person of power. 115 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:00,480 Oh, you are, Harvey. 116 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,640 I find you very powerful. 117 00:07:05,060 --> 00:07:06,260 Here's a little trick, Jane. 118 00:07:06,540 --> 00:07:09,160 Something to show your natural sense of superiority. 119 00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:15,140 See? Boss man. 120 00:07:21,770 --> 00:07:22,770 Underdog. 121 00:07:22,930 --> 00:07:26,210 Whoever sits in this seat, Jane, is in the position of the supplicant. 122 00:07:26,650 --> 00:07:29,330 Parasiting, I call it. Oh, you are clever, Harvey. 123 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:31,790 Yes, I am, aren't I? Well, Harvey! 124 00:07:33,550 --> 00:07:36,790 Now, remember your body language, Harvey. Head back, shoulders up. Hello, 125 00:07:37,010 --> 00:07:38,150 Fergus. Miss Baird, can I see you now? 126 00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:41,930 Hello, Mr. Fergus. Are you a happy cat? Great to see you. Hello, Fergie. Good to 127 00:07:41,930 --> 00:07:44,590 see you. Good to see you. Do sit down. 128 00:07:44,890 --> 00:07:45,890 Thank you, Harvey. 129 00:07:59,050 --> 00:08:03,310 How are things in the cut -and -thrust world of local politics, Fagg? Bloody 130 00:08:03,310 --> 00:08:04,310 awful, as usual. 131 00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:06,970 And now we've got these damn silly elections. 132 00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:11,510 Why the hell the future of this country should be put in the hands of people as 133 00:08:11,510 --> 00:08:13,910 pig -ignorant as the voters, God only knows. 134 00:08:14,670 --> 00:08:18,650 Right. Now, how many of your lot are stone deaf? 135 00:08:18,950 --> 00:08:20,730 Oh, uh, Jane? 136 00:08:21,490 --> 00:08:22,490 None at all. 137 00:08:22,830 --> 00:08:23,830 Thank God for that. 138 00:08:23,910 --> 00:08:27,550 I did my whole geriatric spiel this morning. Ten valuable minutes. 139 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,360 Promised them the world, not a moment. 140 00:08:31,180 --> 00:08:33,780 Then someone told me I was in the Institute for the Bloody Deaf. 141 00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:38,740 I should have done a quick leaflet drop and had a longer lunch. 142 00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:40,159 Oh, it's a tough one. 143 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,239 I'll see. 144 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:46,380 Now, look, these are the how -to -vote forms. I'll show you how to walk the old 145 00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:47,380 farts through them. 146 00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:53,280 Everything OK, Mr Trent? 147 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:55,040 There's not enough strychnine in the soup. 148 00:08:56,510 --> 00:09:00,090 Mr Ballard, here's your petition. All the staff have signed it and most of the 149 00:09:00,090 --> 00:09:01,090 residents. 150 00:09:01,510 --> 00:09:02,510 Mr Ballard? 151 00:09:03,170 --> 00:09:04,170 Tom? 152 00:09:09,170 --> 00:09:11,050 You away, Tom? 153 00:09:11,370 --> 00:09:12,370 No, I'm still here. 154 00:09:12,730 --> 00:09:14,130 Penny? What? 155 00:09:14,450 --> 00:09:15,450 Penny, for your thought. 156 00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:17,330 I was thinking about sex. 157 00:09:17,630 --> 00:09:18,630 Give me my penny back. 158 00:09:22,190 --> 00:09:24,610 I mean, do you think we should do it? 159 00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:36,850 I didn't mean, should we do it together? God forbid. I mean... I didn't mean 160 00:09:36,850 --> 00:09:37,850 that either. 161 00:09:38,690 --> 00:09:44,050 I meant that, well, if we... Oh, I wish I hadn't got into this. 162 00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:48,230 I'm so sorry, Tom. Something went the wrong way. 163 00:09:48,650 --> 00:09:49,650 Ah. 164 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,690 Started you thinking about sex? 165 00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:54,190 Well, that photograph of that couple... 166 00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,170 Notting and gendering in the garden. 167 00:09:56,890 --> 00:09:57,910 You've got me thinking. 168 00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:00,490 Tom, the British never think about sex at lunchtime. 169 00:10:00,710 --> 00:10:01,710 I thought you'd approve. 170 00:10:02,590 --> 00:10:05,610 There's a time and a place for everything. When I'm stuffing my soup, 171 00:10:05,610 --> 00:10:06,710 thinking soup, not sex. 172 00:10:07,710 --> 00:10:09,150 I mean, I'm still capable. 173 00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:11,930 Just leave the room. 174 00:10:12,730 --> 00:10:15,190 Just as I thought. You're all talk and no action. 175 00:10:15,650 --> 00:10:18,650 When it comes to sex, everyone round here is all talk and no action. 176 00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:23,470 What about Harry Piggy and Mary Hawkins? 177 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:25,480 Good grief. 178 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:26,760 Fair enough. 179 00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:29,080 You should take your earplugs out one night. 180 00:10:30,820 --> 00:10:33,340 I thought a pack of wolves was upon us last Wednesday. 181 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,280 Well, she's no better than she ought to be. 182 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:40,840 Apparently, she's a lot better than she ought to be. 183 00:10:42,340 --> 00:10:45,280 Just control yourself, or I'll have you hosed down. 184 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,760 This is the best time to get them all together. 185 00:10:49,060 --> 00:10:51,040 While they're eating, they can't argue, eh? Great. 186 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,440 If I could just have your attention for a moment, please. 187 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:56,720 Just ignore him. 188 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,640 Now, as you all know, the local elections will soon be upon us. 189 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,220 And we're very fortunate to have with us today Mr. 190 00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:06,500 Ferguson, who I'm sure is a very familiar figure to you all. 191 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:15,060 Yes, well, Councillor Ferguson, who is standing once again for the residents' 192 00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:17,240 party, would like to have a few words with you all. 193 00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:18,500 Over to you, sir. 194 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,080 Can everybody hear me? 195 00:11:28,330 --> 00:11:33,310 The residents' party has no central government ambition. We are, as we 196 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,610 the party of the residents. 197 00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:38,630 Some of us may be conservative. 198 00:11:39,570 --> 00:11:40,890 Some of us Labour. 199 00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:47,230 But when it comes to the local elections, we are for the local people 200 00:11:47,230 --> 00:11:48,650 local people only. 201 00:11:50,530 --> 00:11:52,450 Are you sure you can hear me? 202 00:11:53,790 --> 00:11:56,670 Do get on with it. The soup's congealing. 203 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:04,940 And we know that you, as our senior citizens, have special needs which 204 00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:09,680 only we in the Residence Party can truly meet. 205 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:15,420 Bravo. That's what the Tory fellow said last week. 206 00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:18,760 The Labour chap here the week before. 207 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,940 Ah. Yes, but were they being specific? 208 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,780 Or did they just talk in generalities? 209 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,400 One of them talked in Swedish. 210 00:12:35,210 --> 00:12:36,690 commitment to the elderly. 211 00:12:37,570 --> 00:12:43,150 Now, we know that in these days, life is a continual struggle, so we aim to 212 00:12:43,150 --> 00:12:49,250 relieve the burden on you by continuing your free bus passes, subsidising your 213 00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:53,630 TV rentals, and giving you Christmas bonuses on your pensions. 214 00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:59,230 I knew you'd be wild about our programme. 215 00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,690 Now, any questions? 216 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:04,550 Diana Trent. 217 00:13:04,940 --> 00:13:05,940 Careful. 218 00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:07,700 Yes, Diana. 219 00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:09,600 What can I do for you? 220 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,800 Well, you can call me Miss Trent for a start, you impudent pup. 221 00:13:14,140 --> 00:13:15,140 Right. 222 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,180 Sorry, Miss Trent. 223 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:18,800 What was your point? 224 00:13:19,220 --> 00:13:21,300 I don't want a free bus pass. 225 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:26,460 I have paid my way all my life. I am paying my way here. When I go outside 226 00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:28,640 front door, I expect to continue paying my way. 227 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,840 Yes, well, not all pensioners are middle class and well -off. 228 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,680 So let's hope everyone feels as you do. Oh, yes, they damn well do. 229 00:13:36,140 --> 00:13:41,280 And with the bureaucracy involved, it takes £100 to process each free bus 230 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:46,100 So why don't you just hand us the £100 each and sack all your miserable little 231 00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:47,100 pen pushers? 232 00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:52,080 All we want is to be treated like human beings. 233 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,580 Respected. Our patronised. 234 00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:59,780 so you can stick your free bus passes and your free televisions right up where 235 00:13:59,780 --> 00:14:01,880 the sun don't shine and rotate them. 236 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:10,340 I had 20 votes when I came in here. Now 237 00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:11,340 she's got them. 238 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:13,360 No, no. 239 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:14,740 I think she's wonderful. 240 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,520 I wish she'd been my nanny. 241 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,600 Sure, I know this fellow from somewhere. 242 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:26,280 Don't leave that alone. It's doing you no good at all. 243 00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:28,420 They remind me of the summer of 1941. 244 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,900 I had a girlfriend just like this. 245 00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:33,340 Fair. 246 00:14:34,180 --> 00:14:38,440 Her name was Sally. She was a land girl. She looked like one of those Horlicks 247 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:42,660 ads. All pitchfork smiles and dungarees. 248 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:46,080 A real cracker. We used to set the crops on fire. 249 00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:53,540 For goodness sake, go and have a cold shower or recite your logarithms or 250 00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:55,600 something. I don't know what's good into you. 251 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:57,600 I am a man, you know. 252 00:14:58,420 --> 00:14:59,820 Well, around here you're not. 253 00:15:01,420 --> 00:15:05,260 You're a pensioner. You're supposed to be dead from the neck up and extra dead 254 00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:06,260 from the waist down. 255 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,980 You're such a prude, Diana. 256 00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:14,120 My objections are purely practical. I just don't want you rampaging around the 257 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,460 place like some mad old goat. 258 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:16,720 Why not? 259 00:15:17,290 --> 00:15:18,610 kill yourself, you've got a weak heart. 260 00:15:18,850 --> 00:15:20,910 Oh, come on. It's happened before. 261 00:15:23,070 --> 00:15:24,070 What happened before? 262 00:15:25,770 --> 00:15:26,770 Nothing, forget it. 263 00:15:27,630 --> 00:15:28,630 What happened before? 264 00:15:28,810 --> 00:15:29,810 Nothing, I never spoke. 265 00:15:30,090 --> 00:15:31,630 I'll hound you till you tell me. 266 00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:36,550 Well, I have always preferred older men. 267 00:15:37,130 --> 00:15:38,130 Goody. 268 00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:42,790 When I was in my late thirties. As we emerged from the last ice age. 269 00:15:43,070 --> 00:15:44,070 Do you want me to tell you this now? 270 00:15:44,550 --> 00:15:48,760 Sorry. Well, I had a... A gentleman admirer in his fifties. 271 00:15:49,140 --> 00:15:50,260 He was a lovely man. 272 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,160 But, unbeknownst to all, he had a bit of a dicky ticker. 273 00:15:54,940 --> 00:15:56,720 We had a grand affair. 274 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,420 He swore he would die for me. 275 00:16:00,340 --> 00:16:01,340 And he did. 276 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:10,420 Not, uh... Oh, well, what a wonderful way to go. 277 00:16:12,140 --> 00:16:14,760 For him, maybe. I was extremely embarrassed. 278 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,200 What are you chuckling about, Tom? 279 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,520 Ah, Miss Trent's sex life. Oh, how nice. 280 00:16:24,420 --> 00:16:25,420 What was that? 281 00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:27,700 You said Miss Trent's next life. 282 00:16:29,220 --> 00:16:31,060 You believed in the next life. 283 00:16:31,260 --> 00:16:32,940 I don't even believe in this life, Jane. 284 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,240 Can we please change the subject? 285 00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:37,820 Mr Ferguson was really impressed by you. 286 00:16:38,140 --> 00:16:42,400 He said that if he could get someone like you on his side, he could wrap up 287 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,080 elderly vote for the entire ward. 288 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,320 Really? Yes. 289 00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:47,540 He said you had the natural... 290 00:16:47,820 --> 00:16:52,880 cynicism and loathing for your fellow man that was the true hallmark of any 291 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,140 first -rate politician. 292 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,340 I don't understand, Geoff. The other day when you came over here, you were 293 00:17:02,340 --> 00:17:06,220 weeping and wailing about the wicked developers raping your beautiful 294 00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:08,640 countryside. But now... But now things have changed. 295 00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:13,280 We have discovered that the developers in question are really quite nice 296 00:17:15,339 --> 00:17:19,280 have to be here. She's listening to us. Don't worry, Marion. I have a built -in 297 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,140 whinge filter. I won't hear a word. 298 00:17:22,260 --> 00:17:24,980 The thing is, Dad, the developers have made quite a nice offer. 299 00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:31,520 Once they get the planning permission through for the false bits factory, they 300 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,360 want to expand and build bigger people. 301 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:35,840 What are they? 302 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,740 Trusted surgical stockings. 303 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:45,640 It'll bring a lot of jobs to the area. Hand -woven by generations of local 304 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:49,080 peasants, the well -known raffia colostomy bags at Lower Buckingham. 305 00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:54,840 Would it be darker not to be so disgusting? I'm not the one who's 306 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,040 little bit of England to a Taiwanese prostate king. 307 00:17:58,060 --> 00:18:00,640 They're not Taiwanese, they are Japanese. 308 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,220 Since they'll all be too small. 309 00:18:04,940 --> 00:18:06,660 Would you mind your own business? 310 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:08,960 What about the petition, Geoffrey? 311 00:18:10,330 --> 00:18:14,030 Save our heritage, who won the war, keep foreign investment out of Lower 312 00:18:14,030 --> 00:18:16,690 Buckley. I got everybody to sign it. Except me. 313 00:18:16,950 --> 00:18:17,829 Except her. 314 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:21,410 Well, maybe we were being a little hasty, and we hadn't met Mr Kurosawa. 315 00:18:21,630 --> 00:18:22,630 Oh, his wallet. 316 00:18:23,150 --> 00:18:24,150 Very, very cool. 317 00:18:26,050 --> 00:18:27,050 There. 318 00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:29,990 Where? That place over there. 319 00:18:30,490 --> 00:18:34,910 You see, you can just see its roof. It's very big, lots of garden, and best of 320 00:18:34,910 --> 00:18:36,370 all, it's right next door to you. 321 00:18:36,830 --> 00:18:39,890 And it's a wonderful bargain. No one else wants to live close to an old 322 00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:43,510 home. We'll be right in your back pocket. The kids can come over. You can 323 00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:48,970 babysit for us. We can have barbecues, marjons. I know he's my son, but when I 324 00:18:48,970 --> 00:18:51,270 look at him, I have doubts about the theory of evolution. 325 00:18:52,330 --> 00:18:53,950 He's such a dull dinosaur. 326 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:58,490 Somewhere along the line, he's had a severe charisma bypass. 327 00:18:59,710 --> 00:19:03,350 The thought of him wandering over the hill every ten minutes to discuss his 328 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:06,150 children's hamsters, real ales, and... 329 00:19:06,460 --> 00:19:08,760 Do it yourself, Sheldon. Oh, God. 330 00:19:09,620 --> 00:19:12,780 From which cliff do the local lemmings throw themselves off? 331 00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:17,300 I'm just surprised that Marion will allow herself within spitting distance 332 00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:18,039 either of us. 333 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:23,200 Ah, well, the place is a bargain, and a bargain ignites a primeval fire in 334 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,240 Marion's loins. 335 00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:29,040 Apparently, she could only achieve orgasm during the Harrods' sales. 336 00:19:33,770 --> 00:19:38,450 Hello, Tom, Diana. Do you mind if I join you? Yes, buzz off and pry yourself. 337 00:19:39,850 --> 00:19:41,110 Don't mind if I do. 338 00:19:41,770 --> 00:19:42,830 So how are things? 339 00:19:43,270 --> 00:19:44,670 We've both got bubonic plague. 340 00:19:44,990 --> 00:19:45,990 Jolly good. 341 00:19:46,650 --> 00:19:47,850 What do you want, Harvey? 342 00:19:48,590 --> 00:19:50,870 Oh, no, nothing. I was just passing the time of day. 343 00:19:51,110 --> 00:19:53,890 You never just pass the time of day, Harvey. There is no profit in it. 344 00:19:54,310 --> 00:19:58,350 Now, that's what we like about you, Diana. No fiddle -faddle, straight to 345 00:19:58,350 --> 00:19:59,350 point great. 346 00:19:59,370 --> 00:20:00,370 Why don't you try it? 347 00:20:01,010 --> 00:20:02,390 Who exactly is we? 348 00:20:02,890 --> 00:20:03,930 Oh, the Residence Party. 349 00:20:04,350 --> 00:20:07,070 Do you mean you're involved in that travesty of a political machine? 350 00:20:07,350 --> 00:20:09,870 Oh, yes, I'm very busy in the South Ward. I bet you are. 351 00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:13,390 Doesn't that include Lower Buckley? 352 00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:16,790 Right, and you've probably heard the good news about the spare parts place. 353 00:20:17,190 --> 00:20:18,750 We're soon knee deep in need, eh? 354 00:20:19,850 --> 00:20:20,890 What do you want, Harvey? 355 00:20:21,390 --> 00:20:22,590 We want you, Diana. 356 00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:23,629 You what? 357 00:20:23,630 --> 00:20:26,670 Oh, Fergie Ferguson was very impressed by your ability to sway a mob. 358 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,680 I mean persuade an electorate. 359 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,080 He wants you on our team. 360 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,460 No, thank you. He's having a gathering of helpers at his place this afternoon. 361 00:20:33,740 --> 00:20:35,820 No, thank you. And he was wondering if you'd like to come along and, well, get 362 00:20:35,820 --> 00:20:36,479 to know him. 363 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:40,340 No, thank you. He's got a smashing place on the coast. Pool, croquet lawn, 364 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:43,120 tennis courts, like something out of Dallas. No, thank you. 365 00:20:46,740 --> 00:20:47,740 Croquet lawn? 366 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:50,860 We'd love to come. 367 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,600 Hello. You must be the au pair. 368 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,280 Oh, how did you get? 369 00:21:04,660 --> 00:21:05,660 I don't know. 370 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:15,920 Hello. 371 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:22,500 I'm Winnie Ferguson. 372 00:21:23,260 --> 00:21:27,720 You must be Diana Trent, who's going to fix Fergie's image with the elderly. I 373 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:28,720 certainly am. 374 00:21:29,870 --> 00:21:33,450 You know, Fergie was only saying the other day that with the electorate 375 00:21:33,450 --> 00:21:37,450 older every year, we're really going to have to bust a gut to con the codgers, 376 00:21:37,570 --> 00:21:38,610 as he calls it. 377 00:21:39,010 --> 00:21:42,710 Absolutely. Going to have to get them down to the polling stations with cattle 378 00:21:42,710 --> 00:21:44,790 prods and mad dogs, is what I say. 379 00:21:46,270 --> 00:21:48,230 I can see why Fergie took to you. 380 00:21:48,590 --> 00:21:50,190 And I can see why he took to you. 381 00:21:53,570 --> 00:21:57,230 What are they doing here? 382 00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,080 What's she doing here? 383 00:22:00,980 --> 00:22:03,680 Probably helping. Nothing to worry about. Take a pill, dear. 384 00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:06,580 She's up to something terrible. 385 00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:08,060 I can tell. 386 00:22:08,420 --> 00:22:10,060 She's being nice. Relax. 387 00:22:15,860 --> 00:22:16,860 Hello, dear. 388 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:19,780 Who's this little chappy, then? 389 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,040 Dad, this is Mr. 390 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,380 Kurthawa of Kurthawa Pathetics. 391 00:22:23,710 --> 00:22:26,750 Oh, the spare parts, ma 'am. How do you do? How do you do? 392 00:22:27,630 --> 00:22:29,250 One, two, three, four. Just checking. 393 00:22:30,110 --> 00:22:35,350 Could you fit people with wheels instead of legs in a decent gearbox? 394 00:22:35,850 --> 00:22:36,850 Go away. 395 00:22:37,730 --> 00:22:38,730 I don't. 396 00:22:39,710 --> 00:22:40,710 Wheels. 397 00:22:41,310 --> 00:22:42,310 Good idea. 398 00:22:43,930 --> 00:22:44,930 Hello. 399 00:22:45,150 --> 00:22:47,170 It's only good having you girls in our country. 400 00:22:47,470 --> 00:22:48,470 Oh, thank you. 401 00:22:48,570 --> 00:22:50,590 There isn't a gardener here, is there? 402 00:22:50,850 --> 00:22:51,819 Oh, no. 403 00:22:51,820 --> 00:22:53,380 Mr. Ferguson does all the gardening. 404 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,440 He's very good in the garden. 405 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:56,980 Oh, I'm glad to hear that. 406 00:22:59,540 --> 00:23:02,960 I'm sure that I could do wonders for your campaign, Mr. Ferguson. 407 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,900 Super. Well, do call me Fergie. 408 00:23:06,540 --> 00:23:09,920 Just one or two little points. I'd like to iron out first. 409 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:12,380 Oh, hello, Tom. 410 00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:16,920 Hello. Just telling the councillor how we'd like to have a wee chat with you. 411 00:23:17,420 --> 00:23:19,020 Oh, fine. 412 00:23:19,580 --> 00:23:20,580 Fire away. 413 00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:24,740 You can go about your duties, Ingrid. Oh, no, do let Ingrid stay. 414 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:30,340 What's she doing? 415 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,120 Oh, 416 00:23:44,980 --> 00:23:48,140 go away, you horrid little short person. 417 00:23:50,540 --> 00:23:51,540 You did this deliberately. 418 00:24:21,230 --> 00:24:22,710 is taking his factory elsewhere. 419 00:24:24,350 --> 00:24:27,130 Fergie Ferguson has had to resign from the residence party. 420 00:24:27,710 --> 00:24:33,510 A piece of work. And Mrs. Ferguson hit the au pair with her Volkswagen. 421 00:24:35,630 --> 00:24:40,190 Splendid. Once again, you have brought shame and disrepute on the name of 422 00:24:40,190 --> 00:24:42,530 Bayview. Well, this has been a successful day. 423 00:24:44,310 --> 00:24:47,910 Come along, Jane. We have fences to mend, apologies to make. 424 00:24:48,190 --> 00:24:49,190 Coming, Harvey. 425 00:24:53,130 --> 00:24:54,450 Jane, you'll touch him. Sorry. 426 00:24:56,170 --> 00:24:59,910 And Marion is very upset, Dan. So would I be if I were her. 427 00:25:00,610 --> 00:25:02,270 She bit Clarissa's hamster. 428 00:25:02,570 --> 00:25:03,850 Better give it a tetanus jab. 429 00:25:06,170 --> 00:25:08,370 You realise that we'll never be your neighbours now. 430 00:25:08,830 --> 00:25:10,610 Oh, good. Gosh, oh, dear. 431 00:25:11,370 --> 00:25:12,370 Very sad. 432 00:25:12,730 --> 00:25:19,190 And I just hope that when you find you need a new bit to keep you going, well, 433 00:25:19,370 --> 00:25:21,870 I hope you don't find it and you fall to pieces. 434 00:25:22,510 --> 00:25:23,510 So there. 435 00:25:24,330 --> 00:25:25,390 Come along, Geoffrey. 436 00:25:26,750 --> 00:25:31,210 Let's get back to our boring, bloody village with all those boring, bloody 437 00:25:31,210 --> 00:25:34,090 peasants and all our boring, bloody children. 438 00:25:34,770 --> 00:25:36,030 Oh, God! 439 00:25:37,790 --> 00:25:42,550 Help! I think she's a bit upset. 440 00:25:45,130 --> 00:25:46,130 I'd better go to her. 441 00:25:46,490 --> 00:25:50,490 She'll be all right, Geoffrey. Give her a couple of aspirin, slip her under a 442 00:25:50,490 --> 00:25:51,490 bus. 443 00:25:51,630 --> 00:25:53,650 Soon picks up. Right, Edda. What? 444 00:25:54,250 --> 00:25:55,270 Goodbye, Geoffrey. 445 00:25:56,190 --> 00:25:57,190 Bye, Dad. 446 00:26:03,330 --> 00:26:04,810 You don't think we're a bit mean? 447 00:26:05,170 --> 00:26:06,270 I do hope so. 448 00:26:07,050 --> 00:26:11,590 I wouldn't like to deny the world an endless supply of hip bones connected to 449 00:26:11,590 --> 00:26:12,590 the thigh bones. 450 00:26:13,170 --> 00:26:15,810 Not to mention a leading light in local politics. 451 00:26:16,690 --> 00:26:18,070 I really enjoy myself. 452 00:26:18,700 --> 00:26:20,000 Being malicious is quite good fun. 453 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:21,580 I've been telling you that for ages. 454 00:26:21,820 --> 00:26:22,820 And you got involved too. 455 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:26,100 What? You got off your bottom and had a bit of a punch -up. 456 00:26:26,380 --> 00:26:29,380 So? So there's a chance you're still alive. 457 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:35,440 You must think for one single solitary second that you and your happy human 458 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,380 claptrap have had the slightest effect upon me. 459 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,180 You are the one who's beginning to see things my way. 460 00:26:41,380 --> 00:26:45,480 No, no. and having a profound influence on you. No one's ever had any influence 461 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:49,640 on me, except possibly Machiavelli. But you've got yourself a job. You fought 462 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:50,640 the good fight. 463 00:26:50,980 --> 00:26:54,500 That's my good influence. And you have learned how to be unpleasant to your 464 00:26:54,500 --> 00:26:58,160 revolting family. You are entirely under my influence. One cuckoo doesn't make a 465 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:02,780 spring. Oh, my God, here we go. A cliché for every occasion. A truism is not a 466 00:27:02,780 --> 00:27:07,140 cliché. It reinforces the obvious. And the obvious just about sums you up. An 467 00:27:07,140 --> 00:27:10,200 obvious old fuddy -duddy. And you're an obvious old... 468 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:11,720 Lucretia Borgia. 469 00:27:14,540 --> 00:27:16,800 I bet you poisoned Harry Figgis. 470 00:27:17,060 --> 00:27:19,920 Harry Figgis died in Mary Hawkins' place. 471 00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:22,460 And he was not sipping poison at the time. 472 00:27:23,300 --> 00:27:24,500 Poor old Harry. 473 00:27:27,100 --> 00:27:28,300 That could have been you. 474 00:27:29,700 --> 00:27:31,340 I hardly know the lady. 475 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,180 Make sure it stays that way. 476 00:27:33,660 --> 00:27:37,880 You don't care what happens to me. I care for you as much as you care for me. 477 00:27:39,210 --> 00:27:40,210 How much is that? 478 00:27:40,470 --> 00:27:41,470 Bugger all. 479 00:27:41,570 --> 00:27:42,570 Absolutely. 480 00:27:43,150 --> 00:27:44,150 Job dead. 481 00:27:44,270 --> 00:27:44,909 And you. 482 00:27:44,910 --> 00:27:46,150 Good night. Good night. 483 00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:52,590 Thanks for your cup of gin. 484 00:27:53,350 --> 00:27:54,350 Good idea.